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A Plan of Action
Kitten Manor Atkiniros, Atkinos District
OFFICIAL SPONSORSHIP
BACKGROUND
It has been long established as scientific fact that feline Schulminons are the ultimate citizens of the realm due to their innate leadership skills, wisdom, keen insight and natural cuteness. The rich feline culture is conveyed by oral history exclusively. Despite their towering intellect, feline Schulminions have never developed a writing system nor have been much interested in reading humanoid Schulminion materials. Therefore, Kitten Manor has been established as a cats only school for feline literacy. The mission of this school is to help develop and implement a system of feline writing which may be able to be used for expanding feline expression from oral and musical to written and pictorial compositions.
METHODOLOGY
Kitten Manor has sought the assistance of multiple litters of kittens and their families to determine communication patterns and survey them about their communications needs. The results of these investigations would then determine the plan to develop written feline language.
INVESTIGATION RESULTS
Researchers at Kitten Manor have found that cats are generally uninterested in humanoid literature. In fact, most cats prefer to sleep on newspapers as opposed to read them. Only books soaked in tuna juice seemed to arouse much interest. In the surveys conducted by staffers, cats indicated several reasons they do not read humanoid literature. The primary reason given was that felines think on a higher plane of reality and thus require far more engaging reading material. Another reason stated was that publications were unwieldy for feline readers. Several cats noted that they would prefer to read literature written for cats by cats. This statement was further investigated. It was found that felines do not have a written tradition because they have never developed a system of writing. Follow up questions sought to determine why the feline culture has, despite its high intellectual development, failed to move past oral communications. One respondent summarized the reason succinctly: “Our claws are good for grasping prey, not pens and pencils…. DUH!”
SOLUTIONS & IMPLEMENTATION PHASES
Plan A: Have cats dip their claws into inkwells and write on parchment. This did not succeed. Cats found the process to be difficult and messy and both researchers and participants became quickly annoyed with the entire process.
Plan B: Have cats scratch out their thoughts in a code of dots and dashes using their claws. This symbol method offered more promise, but was eventually abandoned. The code, officially named Nine Lives, was nicknamed “Morris Code” for the orange tabby who first demonstrated it. Cats did not readily accept this form of writing because of paw fatigue. But, humanoid Schulminions began writing out Morris Code for communication and eventually popularized it. The code has been used across the realm, predominantly by young humanoids. The young humanoids used the code to avoid detection as they passed notes in class, especially “Do you like me? Check yes or no” notes.
Plan C: Researchers developed a variant of Morris Code which only uses the natural scratch of the claws instead of the wearying puncture of the Morris Code. To alleviate the paper tearing which occurred with the Morris Code, thin tablets of wet clay were used. In this fashion, cats can claw their thoughts into the soft clay. When the clay hardens, it is as good as a book. This method gained far more acceptance with the test subjects. With acceptance, a new task loomed: how to develop a comprehensive system of markings to correspond to feline language. Kitten Manor Headmaster Tiger Forrest appointed noted linguist Dr. Q. Neiform to develop the system. “Doc” as the genial professor was affectionately known, developed the new alphabet in complete secrecy. Everyone knew the professor was working on a big, secret project. He was constantly approached by people on the street, asking him “What’s up, Doc?” This phrase was heard so much that it became a catch phrase across Atkinos island. When the final product was unveiled, it was met with universal acclaim. The new alphabet was named “cuneiform” in Dr. Neiform’s honor. Cats approved of and quickly adopted the alphabet, finding it a convenient and simple method of communication. Cuneiform became the official feline alphabet in short order.
The Cuneiform Alphabet and Examples
Samples of Feline Writings in Cuneiform
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